Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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