I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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