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i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
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