Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
