So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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