its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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