This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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