It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
