Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
