Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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