is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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