Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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