my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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