i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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