If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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