Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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