She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
