he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
