stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
