You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
