I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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