So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
