you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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