Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
