Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
