All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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