She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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