He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
