I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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