New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
