I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
