Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We have so much sex to catch up on
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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