I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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