Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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