someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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