Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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