Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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