'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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