the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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