is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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