Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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