Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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