you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im on a boat
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