So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
