I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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