don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic