I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
