Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
worst night to have a conscience
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
