Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME