The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE