she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP