If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.