A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!