I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
